Saturday, November 11, 2017

Life and Suchlike



IV

I have often pondered the consequence of writing about Calcutta on cocaine. The city lends itself naturally to writing, which makes it difficult to write about. I have often tried writing about Calcutta; each one of those attempts has introduced me to my literary limitations. It is part Kafka and part Dickens, and if one employed a fair bit of imagination and perhaps a magical mirror that reflected desire, one can see Rowling, shining through the film of soot, the wires, the despair, and the bureaucracy that have become a part of the landscape, like someone deliberately conjured the grime to mask the magic. 

Aaria, like many others, shared a toxic relationship with the city. It is bad for you and you are aware of it; a mathematical paradox that cannot be solved conclusively, yet it holds some compelling attraction that you cannot walk away from. The origins of this convoluted romance lay in a dream.
Aaria, tried to put it into words once, at a discussion happening whilst the seven were sprawled on some green coloured benches on their campus. This conversation was a precursor to many a debates about Calcutta over the years - whether it was more Kafka or Dickens, whether it was better or worse for rains - of course without any conclusions, which meant more debates. It also instilled in them the practice of trying to view Calcutta sans the murk, crowd, and chaos. When you can do that it will drive you to madness; Calcutta has this eldritch beauty. 

 “I am there, standing still, looking up at a building with a glass façade. It is a high rise, it dwarfs me. It is a bird’s eye-view of a sky-scarper and myself in a deserted lane. In the dream I have this feeling that I was being chased, and I turned into an alley, and via that enter this deserted lane, which houses the scintillating building with the glass façade. It is resplendent; all the lights are on – white lights behind black glass, a glowing aura, breaking the black. Then the melody plays,” said Aaria. 

“Then Alice went down the rabbit hole,” remarked Adrita. 

“Chased, though you never actually see the chase; right? Well that would have been an improvement – a more exciting dream than merely standing in front of a building,” Ritika pointed out snidely. 

“Though Ritika, this is a recurring dream or image, whatever, the point being that the chase would be recurring as well. Aria’s dream comes from her brain, which is aware of the fact that she would never run so much,” Anwesha chipped in. 

“It would make a good cinematic sequence, though. The sudden change in pace – the excitement of a chase, the abrupt turn, and then a pause - you should also witness a crime though, a dark corner in the dazzlingly lit building, an open pane and a man shoves another out,” said Pritha. “It is interesting though that you can remember the dream and not the melody.”

“I am sure I will know it if I hear it, but I cannot recall it, name it, or identify it,” Aaria replied.
Mitali was dismissive. “This cannot be in Calcutta. The city is uninitiated to the concept of deserted lanes. Where are the hawkers?” 

“It is nighttime.”

“Their sealed shacks then.”

Aaria was convinced that it was a building in Calcutta. No other city could become the stage for her recurring dream. 

Adrita, was deep in thought and had let go off the conversation, an earnest observation followed her silence, “I want to walk around Calcutta at 2 A.M., when every stray element has been locked up and tucked away, and the city gets to be itself. The beautiful buildings. Have you seen Rani Rashomoni’s House. There is a garbage dump beside it now, and many many hawkers, but stand there at night and imagine what it was like, when this building dominated the landscape, with only lights around it.” She paused, as if she had trespassed somewhere off limits to her. She abruptly continued, “College Street is held together by magic, I believe. It would all topple over otherwise, all the books. Doesn’t it feel like that? That if you moved a book and disturbed the magic, it would all come crumbling down.”

“It is appalling that we speak of the former as adventure and the latter as fantasy,” observed Ritika.

Then came the sprinklers. The college gardeners would tend to the field after 5 P.M. Most of the students would leave by then. Not everyone though. Some would park themselves firmly onto the green coloured benches, some on the stony steps beneath the sturdy arched columns, characteristic of old colonial buildings, and others still along the many turns and corners. Our seven would always linger back – their film studies class, was after all disparagingly placed in the 2 P.M. – 4 P.M. slot, and would seldom conclude within that time. The gardeners would wage war on the lingerers and the loiterers - they would try to hose them away. 

After being hosed away from the general area around the green coloured benches, they had taken refuge on the audi-steps, but quickly decided to begin the long commute to the metro station on Park Street, to try and be there by the pre-rush hour period. Pre-rush hour is a category of time, in Metro Railway parlance, when there are about 5541 people in every coach. ‘Not-rush hour’ is too broad a category to clearly describe the complex hour-human equation of public transit systems; the classification needs more sub-categories. Then they met the dog-lady.

“You will fail your next examination,” cursed the gaunt, grey haired, ethereal woman, so advanced in years that time had given up on her. She would attempt to get strangers and stragglers on both sides of the college gate to concern themselves with stray dogs; and if they couldn’t find the empathy, then the money. The unimaginative minds that craft college parables of caution, had named her dog-lady; and today her wrath knew no bounds, which meant that prophecies of eternal damnation awaited them that refused the dogs their dues - something she thought was condign punishment, given the graveness of the folly. The seven were trying to run away from her, in their bid to put some distance between themselves and the pronouncements of doom, and in the confusion, Mitali, who was not agile enough, and hence was being pulled by Anwesha, fell face forward in the middle of the road, at the Park Street and Rafi Ahmed Kidwai Road juncture. The screech of cars suddenly halting was followed by a resounding silence, which was followed by shrill laughter. 

Aaria, fared poorly in the next exam.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Life and Suchlike



III

Aaria smiled when she saw me. It seemed like it had been some time since she had last smiled; she let it linger. She stood like a metaphor, leaning against the grill barrier that separated the college from a world full of consequential matters – a world where time had essence, and was not merely a collection of smaller units, down to infinity. She had been ejected into that world, underprepared, and wanted to touch something tangible that represented familiarity, just as we touch our lucky-charms to fortify against the unknown. The weight of the video-camera that she was holding was causing her right arm to twitch. 

A crowd of about a thousand odd had gathered, and were protesting the riots taking place in Orissa, expressing solidarity with the victims, and demanding justice. They seemed insufferably extraneous to the memories I had of the place. They gave an eerie reality to this place that seemed to detract from it.
“You have to give it seven months, three is not enough, I guess,” I said by way of greeting.
“Seven is the most powerful magical number after all,” Aria replied, her spirits lifting
“And the number of months, a person will stop talking to you for before reconciliation,” I finished her sentence.

This was no vague statement. An experiment had been conducted to ascertain this beyond reasonable doubt. Our research had only one human subject, who fulfilled the roles of both experimental and control groups, before we jumped to the conclusion. Mitali, after suffering the grave insult of being referred to as a punching bag, in a piece of great humour-writing by Adrita had stopped talking to the six, alongside whom she constituted the seven. It took seven months and a term end to affect reconciliation.
There was a phone conversation that took place during a break, afforded especially to Calcutta University students, to inflict them with clinical anxiety – the five odd months it takes the university to publish results after an exam. The results are an illusion, nay an advertisement for “re-check” – an essential part of a Calcutta University student’s life, which merely costs INR 300, takes filling-up some 400 application forms, and standing in queues, that envelope the whole of College Street, the location of said university.

The conversation went something like:
Adrita: “Hey Mitali.”
Mitali: “I read your blog post. You called me a punching-bag.”
Adrita: Bewildered indistinguishable noises
Mitali: “There was a time, when I could stand Aria and your antics; it is just not worth it anymore.”
Adrita: Bewildered indistinguishable noises

That was the end of the conversation. Thereafter, Adrita, Aaria, and I spoke and decided to give Mitali the space and time she needed to come to terms. Though I suspect that was partially because Aaria felt insecure about being usurped from the position of ‘drama queen’, and wanted the sans-Mitali time to reaffirm her position. The great politics of college friend circles - they contain every dynamic of the politics of the society, they are a part of.  There is only one of each position, and if you get dismounted, you automatically swap positions with the ‘dismounter’; like an odd game of blind man’s bluff, if you get tagged by the blind man; you become the next blind man – so is college, so is life. 

It took Mitali seven months to come to terms. The strain between Aaria and her persisted though.
Aaria handed over her camera to the organizers and we stepped inside college and sat down on the chapel steps. These steps, their name not misleading, lead up to the chapel, the quietest place in college, a safe sanctuary if you wanted to simply stare vacantly, and in doing so not be a disappointment to anyone. When you are the part of a college, where everyone loves to remind you of the illustrious alumni, you develop paranoia about inactivity. Here, no one expected you to do anything, and you could sit on the pews, until the end of time – the visitors’ time. These steps had witnessed the many ‘totem’ jokes; invariably, it was here that we studied for the sociology paper. 

“Here we are at the chapel steps – our sociology totem,” remarked Aaria. “Graduating makes you powerless, I had this illustrious identity, I belonged to this college, you could throw the name around, and then suddenly you finish college and you realize that you are no one. In a very specific way, you confront your own triviality and the myth of once here always here” she rued.

Aria had a flare for the melodramatic, but she did make an important point. 

“The editor at my last job asked me out, and I quit my job. I would have reacted differently, if I were in college, and it was an internship. I feel insignificant to the point of invisibility.” 

“Being hit on by your boss is a rite of passage,” I made a desperate attempt at cheering her up. “We can just call everyone and invent the choicest slurs for him.”

“Don’t normalize harassment,” she rebuked “And call whom, it is impossible to keep in touch, to deal with different schedules. Like I told you earlier, I have not spoken to anyone in the last three months.”

“It has to be seven,” I remarked. “You either part friends or life forces you to become people, who sometimes keep in touch. That is the nature of college friendships. Very rarely does it happen that people remain friends, who are closer than just ‘keeping in touch’.” 

“I walked around the back-gate, revisiting the alleys, we got lost in, shot in; remember that one time, when I was wearing a white shirt and it started pouring and I had to be rescued from underneath the ‘Delights parapet’  by that Bellatrix Lestrange look-alike. I sat in the park, it felt woefully silent. Everything feels that way. This is the first time since college that I am having a non-work related conversation; also the first time since I am having a conversation with someone my age.” 

“Do not trap yourself in nostalgia, Aaria. Life is a child, gone wild with crayons; the end result is defaced surfaces, but you got to indulge it. There is more paraphernalia than in a paranoid hallucination. We were never close in college; we are now - the two who stayed back.”

 “And Mitali. Let’s take the tube back home. We will take the same way back, fall silent in the same places that we used to; when you walk together silences synchronies.”

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Life and Suchlike



II

2016 AD.

‘The Seven’ is a Whatsapp group. Is the use of proper nouns in nominal compounds, correct? It doesn’t feel correct, somehow. Changing technology has forced me to reflect upon the rules of grammar, forgotten since the Wren and Martin days; I am not even sure of grammar anymore. Anyway, grammar distracts me from the conversation that was going on between the seven:

Aria: Why does my department not have a Narayan Da?

Ritika: You are a lesser teacher and you teach in a lesser college. You don’t deserve a Narayan da!

Anwesha: Your college doesn’t even have windows, it doesn’t merit this comparison!

Adrita: Why do you need a Naraya Da, anyway?

Aria: Narayan Da, was such a reassuring presence. Okay…er…but was that so for the teachers? 

Mitali: Of course! Do you think cinemawoman could have set up the projector herself; or would have, even if she could?

Ritika: Cinemawoman…ROFL

Adrita: Mitali, you anyway were always her favourite. She selected your ‘paapi gudiya’ story as one of the six degree films to be made in our senior year.

Aaria: ‘Him vs. him’, however scored the best grade. It was the best film. 

Ritika: Let us all take a moment to ponder that even after eight years, living in a different city, having seen two of her friends get married, and becoming a teacher herself, Aria, is still not over the fact that her idea - about two tormented people living on different floors of a building - didn’t get selected, and as a result she couldn’t take that tilt down shot, of them looking down upon the dead body of a person who has just committed suicide; ironic, since the film would have had us believe that it is one of the two protagonists. 

Adrita: Mitali you have a rich husband, why don’t you give Aaria some money so that she can finally make that film. 

Aaria: *Rolling my eyes*

Anwesha: Did you people check-out Pritha’s LA photographs. Major drool. 

Ritika: Yeah! She is doing very well for herself. 

Aaria: And my students can’t even sit through Aawara. What is wrong with today’s generation? 

Mitali: *Ahem* Aaria, do you remember that we ran away from that screening; and in all probability it was your idea.

Adrita: Yeah, I remember slipping through the foyer, and using the pillars to shield ourselves, as the professor was walking towards the department. 

Anwesha: That day we were just running…

Mitali: Guys, I have to go.

Anwesha: G’nite

Ritika: TC

Adrita: Bye 

Anwesha: That was a day of serious fleeing. We escaped the principal and then Gopalan

Ritika: The first time I had come to college and passed by our principal, I mistook him for a peon. 

Adrita: And you were going to ask him for the direction to the MCVV department; yeah we know! Why were we running away from the screening? And we did see it later on, I guess, because I remember answering a question on it.

Aaria: We did, and we prepared an answer on it too, about post-independent India and displacement; and the patriarchal embracing of conventional morality and caste, in the fashion of Ramayana, class distinction…

Ritika: What is with banishing pregnant women? I don’t care how many explanations are invented to exonerate Ram, my point is, he infringed on Sita’s right as a citizen. You can’t banish someone because of alleged infidelity. 

Adrita: Anyway, you can’t be a very good king if you dole out punishment, in response to an allegation, without an inquiry

Anwesha: How exactly would they have inquired into infidelity, when one half of the infidel pair was dead? 

Aaria: Couldn’t have taken his wife’s word for it, right? Anyway, why should infidelity be punishable at all?

Anwesha: It is even today!

Ritika: They say that it is an articulation of the psyche that views women as property; however, I think women were less than property. Property once conquered could be won back and you would be happy with it; hence wife < property. 

Aaria: Infidelity is consensual otherwise it is rape; so you can’t equate it to a conquest. There are narratives where women admit to infidelity and are punished. Say if we lived in a time when the term patriarchy didn’t exist, because people did view the practice as a problem, in that case would Ramayana be a tragedy? 

Ritika: They view Ramayana as a tragedy even now; and we live in that era, when the term exists but people don’t see the practice as a problem.

Aaria: Which is why my students are not interested in such discussions. 

Ritika: Aaria, your students are not listening to you because of karma. You ran away from that class, remember

Anwesha: And she comes back and teaches us, instead. 

Aaria: It helps me think. 

Adrita: We are done with this. Why did you take this up as a career? It was fun once upon a time, but no one can live on a diet of intellectual discourse. 

Aaria: I do get paid, you know. 

Anwesha: *Rolls her eyes*

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Life and Suchlike

I



"Agnidev, I will extinguish the fire in you."

This statement achieved the following:

1) The high point of the Sociology Pass Paper-III class…

And that's about it. 

The class, weary of Agnidev's steadfast belief in being rewarded attendance, in spite of missing his roll call, compounded by having just suffered Srinivas’s insights on the Indian Caste System, considered it quite the high point; it refuted Agnidev's argument with a flourishing finality; too bad it did not work out for Agnidev.
Twenty amongst this weary class had the next one hour to nurse their weariness. It was college policy to have all the pass classes (electives for people who do not understand pass) in the second half, chronologically placed in descending order of the value attributed to them. Film Studies disparagingly placed in the 2:50 - 4:30 slot. 

So Room 15 erupted into chaos. The orderliness which, the teacher has so painstakingly achieved lay tragically frayed after the bell, making you ponder the ‘point’ of anything. Her quip about Agnidev had earned her my regard and I gave her authority due respect - I decided to not budge after the bell. It turned out to be counterproductive. People had already busied themselves in getting out to go places - Room 16 for the more important pass classes (given their time slot); the pavement opposite Classic Stores, for a most important cigarette; and CCD or the canteen, depending on their affluence during said period, for sustenance - and my immobility just added to the confusion.

I yielded. Others moved to their respective destinations. A set of people, seven of those twenty, who had the hour to nurse their weariness, set out towards the ‘Bank Steps’. ‘Bank Steps’ did not lead up to any bank; these were the steps behind the bank that the college housed – simply put it was an identity crisis. The 'bank steps' had various factors that recommended it: 

1) The steps were never used by anyone. Everyone used the ‘Main Staircase’, the ‘Main’ perhaps corresponded with their sense of self worth; nomenclature is important.
2) The bank counter closed at 1 P.M., which meant that the area would be people free.
3) The open archway guaranteed a cool breeze
And
4) Sitting there did not entail any expenditure 

The seven settled down. ‘The seven’ sounds significant, like a small council, though it was no such thing. They were a weird assortment of people who stood steadfast in the belief that Maggi cannot be cooked in two minutes and hailed from schools that have uniforms; television would have you convinced otherwise. One could call them friends, but they lacked the familiarity. They were brought together by their commitment to non-airconditioned air, a fierce dislike for the canteen food, and an unholy interest in Holden Caulfield. Well my reasons were different - they were sincerely scopophilic. You will meet them as the story progresses. For now it suffices to say that the incidents being narrated took place in 2006 AD. 

Settling down on the bank steps required much planning, strategic positioning of people, and undressing – attire worn to the college had to have a high ‘modesty quotient’, which people brought down, when they were away from the prying eyes of the morality keepers; shrugs were stripped open, sandals and socks take off, heels removed; and so everyone settled down. 

“My house is an existential crisis,” Aria declared. 

“Explain that,” said Adrita, her interest piqued. 

“That is just useless babble,” Anwesha interjected. 

On a completely different tangent, Pritha inquired, “Are we going to start The Indian New Wave, today?”
There was a chorus of incoherence and indecisiveness. Thereafter, Aria continued, “My house exists at the cusp between tradition and modernity. It is an old house, which has been renovated multiple times. Though, it still retains something of the old, its structure has changed.” She paused, something had caught her eye; she dismissed it and went on, “Some corridors have been partitioned, the doorways altered, and as a result there are staircases, which lead nowhere. Imagine using a staircase that takes you up to a wall; they exist for no reason. Hence, the existential crisis” 

Ritika was rolling her eyes, “That is a gross generalisation. A couple of dead-end stairwells and the whole house is an existential crisis?”  

“We will ask you when you are standing on one,” Aria retorted 

“I will just slide down the banister,” quipped Ritika. 

I wanted to break the great existential debate, necessitated by the fact that the red helmet and white cassock clad principal had just made an appearance. Everyone ran, shoes and shrugs in hand. The seven had broken. That was the thing about the college, everyone, from the guard upwards, had the authority to shoo students away from any part of it; so much so, that there was consensus that the safest place to sit on campus, before 4.30 P.M., was on treetops. Students in their free hours were expected to be in the reading room. However, the air-conditioner there did nothing to increase its attendance, primarily, because of the requisition of silence and actual reading; the room in-charge would come and investigate, if you were not turning the pages of the book open in front of you. We decided that it was safest to sit in our classroom and so we began the long commute to the department on the fourth floor, and don’t be fooled, the four floors of our colonial mansion, could easily accommodate eight of a modern structure.

We reached with half an hour to spare and were splayed on the fourth floor landing, looking like people, who somehow took a detour via Mordor en route. The great advantage of reaching early for classes was that Narayan Da – the kingpin of the department – would be setting up the class projector for the professor, which meant that you would already know the film to be screened, having had the time to sift through books (2006 AD: pre-smart phone days, for middle class students) for information on the film. That’s a lie; students don’t do that, especially students who look like, they have just been rescued from Mordor.

We however, learnt the name of the film – Aawara.